Since becoming a mother I've talked to many other w/omen for whom the positives and negatives of having children were fairly evenly matched. Some of those who will never have children children a l so wonder sometimes if they made the "right" decision. I've attended various group discussions on motherhood, and ambivalence seemed to be one of the major themes. I'm convinced that for a great many women a real choice,or the "right" decision,isn't a genuine possibility. Birth control isn't good enough and career education and opportunities aren't widely enough available; neither are easy, free abortion or good childcare . When women grow up in a culture where marriage and children are expected and when it's not easy to combine the options of children and a career , a "free" choice is pretty nearly impossible. The real decisions seem to be about how we cope with our ambivalence about having children — whether or not we really choose them — in a way that allows mothers and fathers and friends and childre n and employers and people in general to come out sane and respecting of each other and themselves. For me there were so many contradiction s that the only thing I could be w a s ambivalent. Once I realized this I was free from the guilt of worrying about a "wrong" decision and could get on with taking constructive steps for dealing with change.

I hope other women who have similar experiences will be able to free themselves from feeling guilty about not making a clear choice . We've got a right to be ambivalent about such a complicated decision as this.
Kathy West

Why Children?
S. Dowrick and S. Grundberg, eds.
Women's Press
124 Shoredtich High Street
London E1 6JE, England