HOLLAND Women Battering
Women-battering isn't an uncommon event in Holland. We can't offer you statistics because no one bothers to find out the facts about this crime. In the Dutch judicial system it is a crime with a high penalty but usually it never gets that far.
No research has been carried out about marital violence. There are some institutions in Holland where women can find shelter for a short period of time (up to three months). These institutions aren't very clear to the reasons why women want to live there.They mention "marital problems" which can mean a lot of things. Women battering doesn't exist as such in the terminology of welfare institutions. When a woman has been battered by her husband then there exists a "relational problem" or "a disturbance in the communication between the marital partners". The "solution" has to be sought in "bringing the marital partners together again". A woman told us about her "relation-therapy": "When I told my therapist that I was afraid of my husband because he tried to strangle me last night, the therapist answered: Mrs. X, just put yourself in your husband's place, how difficult it must be for him that you are afraid of him".
In October 1974 "Blijf van m'n Lijf " (means something like "Stay off my body") opened a refuge for battered women and their children. The address is secret. "Blijf van m'n Lijf " helps women on their own account not in terms of their relation or their marriage they fled from. It doesn't deal with men at all.
There are two goals to be realized: to offer a safe shelter for battered women and their children and to make the problem of women battering known and widely publicized.
Since the refuge opened her doors, about 300 women accompanied by 600 children have come to the refuge Also other institutions have noticed that more women came to them with the specific complaint of being battered. It turns out to be a widely spread and big problem. We think we only have seen a very few of the women who are actually being battered.
We found battering is not bound to certain socio-economic classes.
The nature of the battering has many forms: pounding on the head, with or without a stick: dragging by her hair through the room; hitting in her stomach, on the back or in the loins; making the woman have a miscarriage by kicking her in the stomach; kicking her a broken nose or ribs; putting a fork in her back; placing an iron on her body; strangling; throwing her from the staircase; breaking some vertebrae; striking her from a chair to the floor; keeping her awake day and night by threatening her with a knife.
Many women told us that they had tried many times to escape, but failed for lack of a safe refuge. They usually fled to family or friends. Their husbands knew immediately where they could go to find them. The official welfare and service institutions didn't take their problems seriously and tried to get them back where they. in their opinion, belonged: "at home".
Police refuse to note down their complaints about battering. "This is a marital fight, ma'am, we can't do anything for you, you'd better go home".
Doctors give some first-aid. They often refuse to give a certificate which she can use at the police station. They evidently want to stay "clear" from giving any evidence whatsoever
Lawyers keep women also "at home" by telling them that they lose their right to the house when they leave "voluntarily". This is totally untrue: a lot of women claimed their houses and got them back. They advise the woman sometimes not to get a divorce because "you mightn't get out alive". However they don't offer help to find a safe refuge. They hold the opinion "a blow happens in any good marriage".
Social work and therapeutic institutions: start from the (in fact not-existing) equality between the partners. Both partners have to tell their own stories, listening to the other partner. The therapist just listens to both of them and stays "neutral". He or she supports de facto the right of the strongest one, which is the man. For what happens is only that they come home, and the man makes her feel that he didn't like what she just told the therapist. Next time the woman won't tell anything anymore.
Family and neighbours usually don't know anything about the problems of the woman. Women don't like talking about the battering, out of fear or shame. Later on they notice certain things or start disbelieving the repeated story about "having bumped into a door". Sometimes they offer help, for instance room in their own home.
This often causes many problems: the husband might start threatening the family and or neighbours as well and can find his wife easily. And sometimes they start helping, but can't continue due to the lack of space in their own home. Also they might try to persuade the woman to go back home to "save the marriage".
When a woman has been battered a long time, one year after the other, she gets other problems as well: she loses weight, or, on the contrary crams herself continually with food, gets skin rashes, becomes irritated, also with her children. She might become "crazy": she walks in the streets shouting and crying, "sees things". Then she'll be threatened with being admitted to a psychiatric hospital.
And men speculate on this: " I'll pester you just so long till you'll be admitted to an asylum". Women in this situation find themselves in a vicious circle: when they are battered and stay home, they'll be labelled as masochistic, neurotic or hysteric and when they leave home, they find themselves labelled as irresponsible and not able to care for themselves and their children.
Since we started, the problem of battering has been recognized more than before. Although a lot of people still start laughing and ignore the problem, it has lessened. Women have to speak openly about the problem. Women can. leave the home if they want to. We ourselves feel it would be a good thing if there were more houses for battered women. Some women, we presume, don't come to the refuge because they consider Amsterdam "too far out" for themselves. It would be good if there were more houses in several regions of Holland. Another problem we find difficult to solve, is getting permanent housing facilities for battered women. It turns out that a lot of women have to stay in the refuge for a long period of time, because they can't find suitable and safe accommodation for themselves and their children.
The starting point is still that women have to speak up about this specific crime against themselves. Only then they can find and create solutions and in the long term press other people to set up other facilities they need and have right to.
If you are interested in how we set up our refuge and the way it is run, you can phone us nr. 620 - 94 27 58 or write to: "Stichting Blijf van m'n Lijf" , post bus number 4214, Amsterdam, Holland. (01445)