I'm 64 and Yes, yes
The following article, titled Older Women Still Plagued by Myths about Sex, by Ruby R. Benjamin, was published March/ April 1982 in New Directions for Women, 223 Old Hook Rd, Westwood, NJ 07675 USA. Subscription rate: $15.
A leading sexologist, an older woman herself, was speaking to a group of high school students. One courageous teenager asked: "How old are you? Are you married? Are you still doing it?" Her answer after all the giggles had stopped was: "I'm 64, and Yes, Yes. Young people do not have a monopoly on sexuality. It is with you all your life."
Yet, despite the changes that have occurred during the sexual revolution and in the face of increasing scientific evidence to the contrary, our culture continues to foster the belief for a woman in her 50s and 60s sex is neither necessary, nor possible. The prevailing attitude regarding sexuality in the older person is still to deny it, ignore it, or make it the butt of a joke.
The stereotypes of the "sexless older years" has done considerable damage to our aging population and in particular to the older woman. Frequently, this view acts as a "self-fulfilling prophecy."
The older woman is at a sexual disadvantage, not only in the way society perceives her, but in actual numbers of available and, I might add, agreeable partners.
Having been conditioned to believe (erroneously) that sexuality declines with age or that sexual exertion is dangerous to their health, many tend to give it up. Some who have had disappointing and unsatisfactory sexual relationships in the past willingly give it up, relieved to no longer engage in sex. Others shut off sexual feelings out of embarrassment or shame, considering themselves undignified or depraved for even having sexual sensations. Doctors' offices are filled with older women
complaining of vague symptoms such as night backaches, many of which are really subtle clues that they want to discuss their sexual needs, desires, and fantasies but are afraid of being considered ridiculous or oversexed.
Some physicians and other health professionals — through sheer ignorance — pass along destructive attitudes when confronted with the sex problems of older women. Some women who look to their doctors for permission to express their sexuality for recreational purposes, in fact get the doctor's personal puritanical responses. One study showed 39 percent of the physicians questioned said that women over 50 did not have unfulfilled sexual needs.
Sexuality, of course, is more than the genital organs, the reproductive system and the act of intercourse. It includes self-concept, sex drive, sex role, partner choice, and patterns of interpersonal communication. A more global definition is that sexuality is an expression of one's womanhood — who and what we are, and the sex act is only one dimension of sexuality.
We older women need to be encouraged to explore the broader emotional limits in sexuality. Aging can offer the opportunity to view sex as intimate communication in its best sense — tenderness, companionship, flirting, touching, affection, caressing — the feelings of being needed and wanted, and the ability to give pleasure to another person and to receive it.
Despite our youth-oriented society and cultural taboos against sexually active older women, sexual interest and activity is alive and well. Older women have diverse opinions regarding sexuality. Some say intercourse is extremely important. Some are indifferent. Others regard self-stimulation as important as relations with a partner. And some prefer to share their sexuality with other women. We need to feel free to choose our own style of sexuality.
Sagging skin, flabby bosoms, skin discolorations, waistless torsos, and thinning body hair can cause great anxieties in those women who feel that these changes impair the image of beauty, youth and sexuality that our culture demands.
Many older women reject themselves and, fearful of rejections by a partner, just give up sexual activity. Others need to prove they are still sexually attractive and contribute to the multimillion dollar business of face lifts, fat farms, bleaching creams and hair dyes to deny nature her reality, and to avoid the profound level of disapproval directed toward the older woman.
Each of us needs to begin to command respect and admiration, not in spite of being older, but because of it.
Women's capacity for orgasm is indeed slowed in the older years, but certainly not terminated by the aging process. There is less lubrication and elasticity of the vagina. The tissues lining the vagina thin out and are more easily irritated. Inevitably, all physical responses are slowed as we age.
Regularity of stimulation of the vagina either by self-stimulation or by a partner helps to retain vaginal lubrication and tone of the muscles. Self stimulation or masturbation is a safe, effective, acceptable, and healthy outlet for sexuality at any age. Some sexologists claim that frequent sexual activity is nearly as effective as Estrogen Replacement Therapy to keep the vagina in good condition.
Sex and the expression of one's sexuality is a highly "undangerous" activity. The future is ours. We have a right to adopt and enjoy our own sexual life style.