A good father is one who grows with his children, shoulder to shoulder, so that they can survive well and with confidence amid the stress and turbulence of modem times.

This, for Kim Byoung-geon, 40, is the essence of the goal of The Group of Wish-to-Be-Good Fathers, where he serves as chair of the Steering Committee.

Founded in May 1992 by fathers in their 30s and 40s, the group now has more than a thousand members in Seoul, Damyang, Uijongbu, Ulsan and Kumi in Korea, as well as in Los Angeles, USA. It has carried out various activities, such as Train Trip with Father, initiated in 1992. The fathers took their children to Sungduk Rehabilitation Institute with the goal of encouraging the children's interest in other members of the community and in community affairs. On the third Day of Good Fathers, observed every May 1, the group held a flea market organized around the theme of environment consciousness to encourage children to conserve and recycle resources.

The group's Los Angeles chapter was formed a year ago and tackles particularly problems relating to domestic violence and youth. It carries out studies on psychological therapies and counseling. "Children should be given opportunities to have intimate communication with their father even on the subject of sex," said group member Ahn Kwang-soo, 36

Value of Communication

Another organization seeking to foster closer relationships between fathers and their children is The Group of Fathers Practicing a Family Meeting, established in June 1993. The group actually holds meetings with each member's family to discuss family affairs and problems in an atmosphere of warmth and democracy.

The Seoul YMCA maintains a program called Youth Train Trip with Fathers, which has been successful in facilitating communication between fathers and their children. Some fathers have published books where they share their own experiences, insights, life philosophies and feelings

Some men have joined the effort to transform existing social relationship that lead to and sustain the abuse of women, although the search for such individuals and groups remain a tough task to this day, amid the prevalence of abusive relationships between men and women or men and their children. Women in Action is heartened by these groups' efforts and cheers them on.

The Korean Research Institute for Psychology and Counseling, the Communication for Youth, and the Korean Association for Community Education provide training on parents' roles with special emphasis on communication skills. These organizations have tried to impart the message that the best heritage a father can give his child is a model of a good father—one who remains open to the next generation, and to new knowledge and attitudes, however painful the adjustment process is.

Growth, Not Grades

Against a backdrop of recent social changes, such as the reduced size of the family and the increasing number of homes where both parents are working, several studies indicate the father's absence as a contributing factor behind problem children. Some fathers have taken steps to create a more democratic family culture in response, moving away from the role of being solely a breadwinner to that of participating in their children's education. More important, these fathers are developing a more holistic perspective of education as one that emphasizes personality development, rather than examination scores.

The Fathers of Students Preparing for the Entrance Exam was formed in April 1994. Initially composed of 30 fathers, mostly in their 50s, with children in the third grade of high school, it now has 150 members including fathers of middle- and high-school students. The group is led by professor Chun Jong-deuk, 56, of the Department of Mathematics of Kyounghee University.

According to Chun, the main agenda of The Fathers of Students Preparing for the Entrance Exam is to initiate changes in the educational system so that a child undergoes education not only to pass the entrance examination but also to develop the student's whole personality, the group envisions each student's being able to master a skill through the close linkage of school and society, as done in Germany.

source: Korean Women Today , No. 43, Summer 1994; The Korean Women's Development Institute, C.RO. Box 2267, Seoul, Korea